Because life is never simple

S found out today that he won't be able to sit the professional exams he was planning to take in March. To be allowed to take these exams you have to work for 3 years under someone suitably qualified. Well he's done the three years but the professional body has declared that his boss isn't qualified despite the fact one of his friends did the exams 2 years ago after working in the same department for the same boss.

He's still in shock really and doesn't know what this means but it's possible he'll have to work another 3 years before he's allowed to take the exams. I spoke to him earlier and he seemed really calm (I'd have been raging). I really want to be home now but don't get back until tomorrow evening (arrrgh).

I hope this means that nothing else can go wrong now (specifically to do with the pregnancy) I think my sisters troubles and now this is enough to deal with.

Barcelona and appointments

I'm enjoying the meeting and have managed to get some sightseeing in as well. On Monday I came across a parade of giants. I took pictures with my mobile so I will add them later when I work out how to get them off my phone.

I also have several pregnancy-related appointments coming up. On Monday morning I have to go and get a blood test for a "double test" followed by a nuchal translucency (NT) test on the 17th October to assess my baby's down syndrome risk. These tests are offered to everyone here and one advantage is the NT is an excuse for an ultrasound.

I am a lot little nervous about this scan as it was at this point the first time that instead of seeing something like this:
We saw an empty sac.

Even though we have already seen stumpy and know he/she was fine at 8 weeks plus I'm very nervous.

I also have an appointment with my GP on Thursday next week to fill in paperwork maybe she can listen to stumpy's heart and reassure me.

Doh!

What is the one thing you should bring to a picturesque city like Barcelona? Yup, a camera.
Guess what I forgot? Yup, my camera - arse! The really annoying thing is I remembered the charger and the cable to connect it to my computer but forgot the damn camera - the most important bit.

So I guess I'll have to go out and buy one of those disposable cameras that have that funny old-fashioned film stuff inside them. So it'll be a while before I have any pictures to upload.

So far I haven't done very much except walk around a little and eat some tapas. There is also an end of summer festival going on with a fair close to my hotel. I suspect that there will be noise going on until late but it was fun to wander through the fair and eat churros. (shame I couldn't take any pictures).

coffee

You Are a Plain Ole Cup of Joe

But don't think plain - instead think, uncomplicated You're a low maintenance kind of girl... who can hang with the guys Down to earth, easy going, and fun! Yup, that's you: the friend everyone invites. And your dependable too. Both for a laugh and a sympathetic ear.

What Kind of Coffee Girl Are You?

Stolen from Dianne

One less thing to worry about

Well I got an email late last night saying that I wasn't being considered for the job. I guess this is because of one of the following reasons:

1. The advert stated the job was about fields A and B of which I have a lot of experience in B but at the interview they said that actually it is about A. I could of course adapt but my presentation was very B heavy. note to employers - write what you actually want in an advert.
2. They (completely illegally) asked if I have children - it's just possible that they are worried about employing someone who is married and in their early thirties who doesn't have kids (it's rare for people to never have kids in this country)

I've decided for my sanity to assume that it is reason 1 but it does save me making any hard decisions.

Unfortunately I do have plenty to worry about (apart from whether I'll stay pregnant). Both my sisters are going through a rough time at the moment.

One has work related problems she has been acting in a more senior position for several months and will be interviewed for the post in 2 weeks. So basically in 2 weeks she'll either have the job she is already doing, or be offered something else or be made redundant. Add to this the fact her house finally sold just when she doesn't know what salary she will be on so can't commit to buying anything. Finally, both her Father-in-Law and uncle-in-law died just over a week ago.

The other one has relationship related problems (long and complicated) which are impacting on work.

So I've had two days running of difficult phone calls and wishing I could make things easier for them both. Along with wishing I lived closer instead of in a different country. Why is it that when things seem (finally) to be working out for me the world seems to be crashing down for those I love?

I will see them both in two weeks as I'm going back for my parents ruby wedding anniversary party and I just hope I can provide a little support before then and that things are looking up by then.

AWOL again

The last week has flown by. I travelled to London last Tuesday for a conference which filled Wednesday and Thursday. I had booked into the hotel where the conference was taking place only to be told on arrival that due to a "computer error" they didn't have a room for me. I was a little pissed off to say the least but the alternative hotel wasn't too far away and I had a room the next night. The conference was good and got me thinking a lot about possibilities for work which is very cool.

While there I met up with a guy who was my boyfriend at school and the first year of Uni. We haven't seen each other for about 12 years but exchange emails occasionally and chat on messenger. It was great to meet up and we chatted for hours without any uncomfortableness, so it is possible to be friends with an ex (it just takes 12 years!).

I then spent the weekend with an old friend who is due in 5 weeks and was able to enjoy it and listen to her experiences of pregnancy (despite her getting pregnant easily) due to my current condition. This was fab as much as I wanted to catch up with her (I've known her for more than 20 years) but I would have struggled if I was still trying.

Today has been busy as I've been making a poster for a conference in Barcelona next week. I also have to complete a 30 minute talk for an interview tomorrow. I applied for this job in the early stages of my pregnancy when I had no idea if it would stick but am not sure how to play things now. The job sounded very good in the advert and perfect for me but I'm not sure I want to spend the next few months trying to prove myself in a new job while juggling the stress of hoping the pregnancy sticks and various doctors appointments. Legally I don't have to say anything but it would feel dishonest to take a job (if I'm offered it of course) and then go on leave a few months later without telling them.

I've been trying to keep up with you all during this but my commenting has been a bit light, I also have to apologise to the braces bunch girls for neglecting them, I'll try and get some cards out to you all (and especially the new ones) after this all calms down.

So

The scan went fine, stumpy was measuring spot on 8weeks 3 days and we could see small legs, arms and again a heartbeat.

So the gynaecologist released us with a I'll let your doctor know and that was that.

S seemed so happy but I just don't believe it yet.

Fear

This is my overriding feeling about the ultrasound tomorrow. Part of me thinks it would be better to not have it then I can go on assuming everything is fine. At the same time I want to see that everything is fine so I will go for the scan. My fear is, what if it isn't? So I'm tempted to avoid knowing either way.

I've not yet told my GP about this pregnancy, I really should as this is the route to the standard care system reserved for pregnancies. I realise though that I'm avoiding it as I don't want to jinx things as if saying the word pregnant to my doctor will make it cease to be.

We spent the evening with friends and their daughter last night, the daughter that was born when my first was due. It was both lovely and sad to see this little girl nearly walking, babbling in baby talk and in fact doing all the things I should have been witnessing with my own child now.

Serves me right for being so positive

Saras-p just got terrible news, this just shouldn't have happened.

FUCK!

In the last week

I have discovered what it feels like to feel normal again; I haven’t felt this way since the first miscarriage and while it is lovely that the depression has finally lifted it scares me. It scares me because it means I think this time it’s going to work out and if it doesn’t I’ll be completely devastated. It also shows me how much I was affected by all this, I hadn't realised how much I was living under a black cloud until it lifted.

The scan last week was wonderful and the doctor immediately offered me another reassurance scan when things will be easier to see and she’ll be able to date stumpy (my husband’s suggestion since it didn’t have legs or arms yet) more accurately. S commented afterwards that this must mean she’ll be able to tell us how many hours old stumpy is since 6 weeks 4 days seemed pretty accurate to him. So we have another scan on Monday by which time we should be past 8 weeks.

My parents made me smile a lot (and cry a little) by being amazed that the heart is already beating (my dad) and by needing to work out how big 7mm is (my mum, she still works in inches) since that was the current size of their next grandchild.

Deciding you really want cottage cheese is a problem when you stand in a Danish supermarket with no idea what it’s called in Danish*, it’s something I obviously haven’t eaten very much since I moved here.

Even though I feel like I have a sign around my neck declaring my happiness and the fact I’m pregnant my colleagues don’t appear to have noticed. This may change on Thursday night when we are all out for dinner together and I’m not drinking. For some reason they seem to think I like a drink…

Related to the first point, I have been more efficient at work and achieved more at work and at home than I have in months, one of the reasons for the lack of blogging although I’m trying to keep up with all of you even if my rate of commenting has decreased. My motivation which has been lost for so long has returned, phew!

As for symptoms, so far there is not much to tell. My boobs are huge and uncomfortable and have an impressive number of blue veins standing out all over them. I’ve had a little nausea but nothing spectacular, I did puke on Sunday morning but I think it was because I got up late and didn’t eat until much later than usual. Oh and the random desire for cottage cheese could be called a mild craving I suppose.

*It's hytteost - literally "hut cheese" in case you ever need to know